


Plowshares

by debwalsh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Gets a Hug, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fandom Trumps Hate, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Gets a Hug, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Teddy Bears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23291206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: Steve Rogers is prepared to give Bucky Barnes everything.  Everything he needs to recover, to heal, to flourish.He didn’t expect to get so much back.This is the first of my Fandom Trumps Hate 2020 stories, this time for the amazing  Noukian!
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 16
Kudos: 83
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2020





	Plowshares

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Noukian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noukian/gifts).



> So the prompt was:
> 
> I have a head canon of Bucky wanting to be the opposite of the weapon he was made into, so he starts eating good food gets a little softer takes up hobbies, would love a story about a day in the life of him and Steve! Just a happy and sweet slice of life.
> 
> You know I love this idea!

“You owe him.”

“I don’t owe anybody shit.”

“SHIELD was complicit.”

“That’s conjecture.”

“That’s fact.SHIELD brought Zola over through Operation Paperclip.Hydra’s records show that Zola was still actively leading the Winter Soldier project years after he arrived in the States.Hell, he probably used technology developed by SHIELD to torture Bucky,” Steve practically spat at Fury, who visibly bristled then shrank in on himself in the face of Steve’s baleful glare.

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest and regarded Nick Fury solemnly.“There’s suspicion that some of the tech used to build the arm, to attach it to his body ... it might have come from Howard Stark himself.”

“You don’t know that.”

She pursed her lips and tilted her head, a furrow forming between her brows.“Nick.”

“He’s the most wanted man on the planet.For fuck’s sake, he’s the gun the killed Kennedy.”

Steve was emphatic.“It wasn’t him.”

“It’s a nice fantasy, Rogers.But it’s never gonna play in Peoria.”

“I did.Once.And if SHIELD won’t fix its mistakes - if you won’t right the wrongs SHIELD committed and allowed to be committed - then I’ll take my case to Peoria.And Grand Rapids. And every other small town where American values still try to exist in this cynical, fucked up world.I’ll go public, Nick.I’ll kill any chance you have of rebuilding SHIELD into anything worthy of respect.”

“I could stop you.”

“You could try.You wouldn’t win.”

Nat shook her head. “It’s not that he’s right.But he’s right about this, Nick.Barnes ... Barnes isn’t guilty of anything other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong mad scientist.He’s been a prisoner of war for 70 years.The treatment he received broke every law, every tenet of the Geneva Convention.I could put together a two minute supercut of just a fraction of what he endured - nobody with half a soul could turn away from that.You let him be prosecuted for what Hydra did?They win.It’s time Bucky Barnes got to come home.”

Fury was silent as his one good eye shifted slowly between Rogers and Romanoff.Then he closed it, sighing heavily.“It’s not going to be easy.”

“I don’t care.It’s got to be done.”

“If he was some random Joe that you never knew - would you be as invested?”

“I’d like to think I would be, yeah.But I do know him.I know the truth here, Nick.I know they had to break him again and again to make him comply.Because I know the man they broke.He didn’t break easy, I promise you that.And he doesn’t deserve to be punished for what Hydra did to him.He’s suffered enough.It’s time for him to heal.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Not good enough.You need to make it happen.”

“Contrary to what you may think, Rogers, I’m not a miracle worker.”

“I think you’re selling yourself short, Nick,” Nat smirked.

“I just look like I have all the answers, Rogers.Doesn’t mean I’m playing you.”

“Make it happen, Nick. That’s all.Just make it happen.”

&&&

Steve Rogers stood with his back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and his long legs crossed at the ankles, watching the traffic moving up and down the bland institutional corridor. To anyone observing, he seemed calm, secure, almost detached.But Natasha wasn’t anyone. She could see the nerves thrumming through every fiber of his science experiment body, the tension bunching in his jaw, the way his fingers pressed into his biceps.The way those blue eyes of his never stopped scanning, cataloguing.Waiting. 

She worried about the big lug.He’d been irritable and anxious since Barnes had been captured, and he’d harangued and harassed anyone he could to ensure fair treatment for his old friend.Nick had pulled in every favor he’d had, and would owe a few for the rest of his life.Even Stark had put the combined resources of his company, his name, and every dirty little secret he or his father had ever banked. 

In the end, it had been an international panel of psychiatrists who’d reviewed the records of the Winter Soldier project, who’d interviewed Barnes directly, who’d determined that there was no way that Barnes could be held accountable for what he’d done under the control of Hydra.More importantly, they’d confirmed over the course of a month where Steve Rogers practically tore out of his own skin, that Barnes was not a danger to the public, or to himself.They’d observed, stunned, while Barnes had continued to heal from the damage inflicted on him by Hydra.

Steve hadn’t seen Barnes during that observation period.But today, Barnes was being remanded into Steve’s custody.Technically a free man, but everyone - Barnes included - agreed that Barnes would benefit from having someone in his corner to help him acclimate.

And Natasha knew better than most, there was no one deeper in Barnes’s corner than Steve Rogers.

She felt the change in his demeanor before she saw it - a shift in the ambient air pressure as he tensed and strained forward, his superior eyesight catching a glimpse of Barnes on approach. She looked up the corridor and could see a young man in a wheelchair, being pushed by a burly nurse with a ready smile.They were engaged in conversation, soft, like friends.You’d never know the nurse was also a highly-ranked SHIELD agent.If you weren’t Natasha Romanoff, that is.

Steve launched off from the wall and then stopped suddenly, as though tethered on a short leash that wouldn’t let him move further.

She realized he was trying not to scare Barnes by being overeager.Who knew that Steve Rogers was capable of restraint?Then again, when it came to James Buchanan Barnes, it was starting to look like Steve Rogers was capable of anything.Anything and everything.

Now she could hear the low voices of the nurse and Barnes as they came closer. Steve was starting to vibrate into another dimension, he was so keyed up.It was fascinating to see the facade of Captain America shatter, revealing an anxious young man caught in a war of emotion.

And then the nurse wheeled up with Barnes, stopping the chair just a few feet away from Steve.Barnes hadn’t looked at him yet, still talking with the nurse.Then the nurse squeezed his shoulder and nodded toward Steve, a grin lighting his dragged face.Barnes nodded jerkily, his face hidden behind a fall of dark, soft hair.Then he stood, dragged his hair back from his face with that metal hand of his, and looked directly at Steve for the first time.

In the next second, the pair of them were occupying the same space, defying the laws of physics as they clung to each other fiercely, both of them crying like the children they once were.

Natasha was never one to be envious.There was no point, after all.But watching the two mentogether, she thought maybe, just this once, there might be.

&&&

As minders went, Nat wasn’t bad.She was a solid presence, but she could fade into the background at will.It was a useful skill Steve had never even tried to master, but he could appreciate it all the same.

After that first, fierce hug, he and Buck had settled into a respectful distance - nearby, in line of sight, but not touching.Bucky’s body language was hesitant, shy, not quite distant, but not quite welcoming.Braced, maybe.In some ways, it reminded Steve of how he’d held himself after Kreutschberg, a sort of undefinable wrongness that looked like Bucky Barnes, but if Steve were really honest with himself, wasn’t quite right.A shadow, light dimmed.Looking back, Steve wished he’d been more in tune, more mindful.If he’d realized then that Bucky had been so shattered by all he’d seen, all he’d done, all that had been done to him ... would Steve have pushed for his friend to take that medical he was offered and go home?

Steve was realistic.It might be the right thing to say yes, he would have.But the truth is that Steve probably would’ve held on tighter to keep Bucky close.He was selfish like that, especially when it came to Bucky.

And he wanted to gather Bucky back in his arms, to hug him, reassure him, hold him close.Instead he waited for a sign that Bucky wanted that.He was learning to respect boundaries and consent in ways he’d never understood before.He just knew he’d do anything to make Buck feel safe, to make Buck feel like he could stay with him.It surprised Steve how much he needed Bucky to stay with him.

So he smiled at Bucky across the table top in the cushy Stark Quinjet as it whisked them up to New York and the safety of Stark’s tower.Behind them was Washington, DC and its bureaucracy, its memories, its debris fields still leftover from the fall of the Triskelion and the destruction of the helicarriers.

“I’ve got a place for us in Stark’s tower.A whole floor, actually.It’s secure, and we can decorate it however we like.Unless you’d rather live somewhere else?”

Bucky looked up at his with his brows bunched together in confusion, but said nothing as he blinked slowly at Steve.

Nat leaned across and smiled at Bucky.“Steve will take care of things until you’re ready to make decisions, James.”

Bucky turned to her and smiled faintly back.“Bucky,” he answered softly.

“Bucky?” she repeated.

“I like to be called Bucky.”

Nat’s encouraging smile spread into a full million kilowatt beamer.“Okay.Bucky.” Then she turned to Steve and nodded toward the cockpit, slid out of her seat, and beckoned him to follow.

Bucky watched them curiously, but made no move to follow, but Steve frowned as he let himself be led toward a quiet alcove.

“Nat?”

“He hasn’t had the ability to make choices for himself for a long time.It’s something he’s going to need to learn again.I had to.He’ll need your patience in this.You’ll need to make decisions for him, check in, but don’t be surprised if he’s overwhelmed with choice.You’ll need to slowly bring him into making his own decisions.The fact that he’s expressed a preference about his name is a good sign.”

“Okay.So ... make choices but let him disagree.”

“Yes.Don’t push, don’t give him too many options at first.Either or would work.Then he can build up from there.”

“Okay.Got it.”Steve glanced over his shoulder to look at where Bucky sat staring straight ahead.“Thanks, Nat.I don’t wanna screw this up.”

“Oh, you will.It’s human.But you’ll never do it deliberately.Just be patient.Don’t force anything, but don’t be paralyzed.He’ll take control when he’s ready.”

&&&

Coming out of the hospital, Bucky had the barest minimum - a small duffle with a couple of changes of hospital underwear, a couple of sets of scrubs he used as pajamas, a couple of pairs of slipper socks, a spare pair of jeans and a couple of shirts that looked like they might have come from lost and found, and a few hospital-provided toiletries.Steve regarded the bag that Bucky held close with some suspicion and distaste, but he realized that they were Bucky’s Things, and he needed to treat them with some respect.He hoped he could wean Buck off the hospital duds and into new stuff he picked out quickly.As for the hospital toiletries, he doubted Bucky would demand them in future once he had a load of what Stark had on offer.

The Quinjet had landed on the tower landing pad, and Steve had been grateful there’d been no one there to meet them.He wanted to get Bucky settled first before he had to deal with meeting new people.Natasha had approved Steve’s sentiment, and admitted that she’d signaled ahead that the roof should be empty when they arrived.She also noted she’d asked JARVIS to remain in silent mode until Steve instructed him to respond verbally. 

Bucky had been hesitant to get into the elevator at first, drawing back nervously and clutching his duffle to his chest.Natasha seemed surprised by his reaction and didn’t have any wisdom to share, but then Steve had a flash of memory from reading the Winter Soldier files. 

“We’re going to my apartment, Buck.We’re going home.Nowhere else.We’re gonna get you settled and then you and me, we’re gonna figure things out together. Are ya with me, pal?”

“Home?” Bucky repeated anxiously.

“Home.My home.Your home.Our home.”

Bucky still glanced nervously toward the elevator, which remained open to reveal its soft lighting and tasteful fittings.It was huge by any standard Steve knew, larger than his childhood bedroom if he was being honest, but it was still an elevator.And Hydra routinely took the Winter Solder to be programmed, wiped, and stored by elevator.

Finally, Steve put out his hand to Bucky, and asked softly, “Do you trust me, Buck?”

Bucky stared at the hand for a moment before lifting his gaze to look directly at Steve.He nodded, his lips drawn in a thin, tense line.Steve reached for Bucky’s hand, letting his palm slide gently against Bucky’s, letting the warmth of his skin seep into Bucky’s, his fingers curling loosely around Buck’s.

And then Bucky’s eyes widened, and his hand closed around Steve’s in a bruising grip.Steve smiled and nodded.“Okay.We’ll do this together, okay?”

Bucky nodded again jerkily, moving forward like a broken marionette to follow Steve, but forward nonetheless.When they were in the elevator, Steve shifted his position slightly so he could hold Bucky’s hand with one hand, and put his free arm around Bucky’s shoulders with the other. He felt Bucky relax fractionally, leaning back against him, and he knew he’d done the right thing.The quirked eyebrow and approving nod from Natasha as she took her place in the elevator only confirmed it.

&&&

Steve hadn’t had the chance to prepare simple choices for Bucky, and had left the guest room more or less a blank slate so Bucky could pick his own decor.He appreciated the encouraging squeeze Nat had given his left arm where it draped over Bucky’s shoulder.It was encouraging, but it gave him no clues as to what to do next after she exited the elevator for the floor she shared with Clint.

Less than a minute later, the elevator stopped at his floor, and Steve hoped he was doing an adequate job of hiding the fact he was full on panicking.

As he led Bucky from the elevator, their fingers still entwined, he supposed he must be doing a decent job, because Buck seemed calm and at ease, his eyebrows raised to indicate what Steve assumed was curiosity.It was an expression Steve remembered fondly from childhood, through adolescence, and into adulthood.With a pang, Steve realized he’d missed the fact that that open, curious, full-of-wonder look had disappeared by the time Steve had found Buck restrained on that slab in Zola’s house of horrors.Another way in which he’d been too focused on himself to notice how much Buck had been hurting at the time.

He tamped down the recriminations, and focused instead on the man in front of him.“How about I give you the ten cent tour, huh?”

Bucky frowned, patting the pockets on his loose-fitting pants, and said worriedly, “I don’t have any money -“

Steve’s heart broke just a little bit more at that, but he schooled his face into a gentle smile.“It’s just an expression.Means I’m going to show you around real quick, just to help you get oriented.We can go over anything you want more information about later.Okay?”

Bucky nodded, a little bit of tension draining out of him.“Okay,” he answered softly.

So Steve showed him around the place, recognizing that he was going to have to make adjustments to reduce confusion and too many choices for Bucky in the coming days.When they were in the kitchen, Steve had to remind himself not to ask what Bucky wanted, but to offer simple options - a bottle of water now, the promise of take-out Chinese later featuring Steve’s favorites, with ice cream to top off the meal.Steve was inordinately pleased that Bucky seemed to like the plan, and decided he’d order a bunch of different kinds of dishes - all things he liked - and let Bucky try a little bit of each one of them to see if he could get a sense of what Bucky liked.

In the bathroom, he explained briefly how the sinfully decadent shower worked, noting that its many jets and options would be something they’d go over in detail later.

“On the dollar tour?” Bucky asked with a faint smile.

“This thing does so much, might have to be a fin or a sawbuck,” Steve replied with a grin, but Bucky’s face fell then, as he frowned in concentration.“Sorry, old slang.I’m still learning modern slang,” Steve corrected hurriedly.

“You are?”

“Well, yeah.I’m still catching up.I’ve only been out of the ice a coupl’a years, you know?So much has changed, and I’m still learning.”

“Oh.Okay,” Bucky replied with a bit more ease.“They taught me how to take a shower at the hospital.It was different from what Hydra did. Nicer.I remember we ... we used to take baths, didn’t we?”

Steve stared at Bucky for a beat too long at the mention of Hydra, but he shook it off to focus on Bucky’s question.“Oh yeah.And wait ‘til you get a load of the tub in this place,” Steve replied with enthusiasm, drawing Bucky over to the huge soaker tub on a raised platform, with a beautifully tiled frame and alcove dedicated to art of bathing.There was a huge flat screen TV on the wall at the optimal viewing angle, speakers for music, aromatherapy, even a towel warmer.Steve pointed out the jets in the tub, the cupboard with the towels and bathrobes, the store of bubble bath and bath bombs, loofas, and facial masks.

Bucky’s expression was becoming shuttered, and he drew back away from the tub. Steve reached out and tangled their fingers together again.“I’ll show you how I like to take a bath, okay?And then you can try out different things if you like.”

That seemed to soothe Bucky as he tightened his hold on Steve’s hand, looked back up at him, and smiled.“Okay.”

“Okay.”

The guest room was pretty bare since Steve had planned to let Bucky pick out his own color scheme and furnishings.Now as they stood in the doorway looking at the bland, boring room, Steve felt like he’d let Buck down.He shrugged and said, “I didn’t know what you’d like, so I didn’t get anything yet for your room.”

“My room? By myself?”

“Yeah, Buck.Your room.This is your home, too.For as long as you want it - I’m hoping forever, y’know?”

“Where’s the surveillance?”

“There’s no surveillance.”

“I always had someone watching, to make sure I didn’t do something bad.Or someone was in the room with me.I wasn’t allowed to be by myself,” Bucky said, his voice betraying rising agitation.

“That was SHIELD.This is home.You don’t need to be watched.And you can be by yourself if you want to -“

“What if I don’t want to?” Bucky blurted, then immediately clapped his flesh hand over his mouth, his eyes wide with fear.

“If you don’t want to be alone, you don’t have to be,” Steve answered gently, recapturing Bucky’s hand in his and drawing it away from Bucky’s face.“I have a big bed - bigger than I need.I wouldn’t mind sharing.Like we did when we were kids, y’know?”

Another look of panic passed over Bucky’s face, and Steve felt a pang for putting it there.The doctors had said that Bucky’s memory had lots of gaps, and they weren’t sure if they’d ever fill in, or if Bucky would be left with empty places in his memory forever.Steve didn’t know what bits were missing, but the expression on Bucky’s face just then gave him a clue.

“Do you remember when we were kids?” he asked softly.

“No?”

“Okay.Do you want me to tell you anything about it?”

“Maybe later?” Bucky said tentatively.“I ... the doctor said I shouldn’t force it.Is that okay?”

“Yes.Absolutely.”Bucky visibly relaxed, a small smile gracing his lips then.“Okay, we can share my bed, but this is still your room to do whatever you want with, okay?We can figure all that out later.But for now, if you’re gonna share my room, there’s someone you’d better meet.”

&&&

Bucky spied the little plush bear in its red and blue outfit, with its little mask and its big black buttons, and his hands twitched toward it.

“I missed you.When I came out of the ice.I missed you so much.My therapist - yeah, I have one, too - she recommended I get something I could snuggle and talk to, and so I got him.This is Bucky Bear,” Steve introduced, causing Bucky to giggle.“Yeah, I named him after you.The outfit is kinda silly - it’s what he was wearing when I bought him.But he’s soft and cuddly, and he’s a good listener.”

“Hi,” Bucky said shyly to the bear.

“Nat and Sam know about him - they kind of try to make sure I do what my therapist tells me, even though they’re not supposed to be privy to those sessions.But the others don’t.So he’s sort of my secret, and now I’m sharing him with you.Since we’re gonna be sharing a bed and all.But no one knows about my other friend,” Steve explained as he bent down to open the door on his bedside table.He reached in and extracted a second bear, this one in a little Captain America suit with a plush shield on his back.“This is Captain Ameribear.I got him to keep Bucky company when I’m away on missions.I didn’t want him to get lonely when I couldn’t take him with me.I haven’t even told my therapist about him.You’re the only one who knows all my secrets, Buck.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Bucky promised solemnly, his attention riveted on the bear in Steve’s hands.

“Would you take care of him for me?He needs someone to snuggle with and listen to, just like my Bucky Bear.”Steve extended the little Cap bear out to Bucky, who took it reverently, folding it into an embrace.The look of pure joy and happiness on his face nearly took Steve’s breath away.He had to blink back tears, swallow against the tightness in his throat as he said, “Now both bears have a person of their own.Bucky Bear has me, and Cap has you.”

Bucky looked at Steve with a smile so bright, he felt momentarily blinded by it.He knew he was going to make mistakes, and they were likely to be big and bad.But for the moment, he felt like he was floating on air, buoyed by the smile and joy he saw before him.He wanted to put that expression, inspire that joy, every day for the rest of his life.

He smiled back at Bucky and sighed contentedly.Then he heard his own stomach gurgle, and he realized they hadn’t done anything about food yet.“How about I organize dinner, huh?You can lay down and get acquainted with the bears while I do that, huh?Try out the bed, see you how you like it, okay?”Then Steve leaned forward and kissed Bucky on the forehead, surprising himself at the intimacy of the gesture.But Bucky just smiled and nodded, then sat on the edge of the bed and took both bears in hand to talk softly to them.

Steve felt like his heart was going to grow too big to be held inside his body as he watched for a moment, brushed away at moisture at the corner of his eye, then shook himself and went out to the kitchen to find the menu for his favorite Chinese take-out.

&&&

**Author's Note:**

> There is more to come - subscribe so you’re notified when new chapters post ! Thank you so much, Noukian, for your donation to GLSEN. And thank you to the team at Fandom Trumps Hate, for being the incredible, positive force that they are.
> 
> And I would, of course, love to know what you think!


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